Their Love on Stage!
by AkaSenshi
Summary: Ryoma and Izumi are like magnets to each other. They highly attract each other when they are polarised, but if their polarity is off-balance they repel each other with equal strength. This is about a time when things don't go smoothly and Ryoma Ichijou loses his rock and how he tries to cope when foundations laid by izumi are destroyed. Ryoma just needs to remember he is not alone.


I wanted to show the grittier side to relationships, especially when people like Ryoma and Izumi get into a relationship. Relationships are tough, they aren't easy at all. It takes effort and communication on both sides to make things work. Ryoma overbears Izumi and things break down between them whilst Izumi expresses one of his worse sides. Will they work it out or will they part ways?

* * *

Ryoma sat in his flat on the couch hugging his knees tightly as tears forced their way out of his eyes. He didn't know what to do, or how to cope; he just sat there, hopeless, crying. 'What sort of a man am I? A man crying? That's pathetic!' he thought in disgust as tears rolled down his cheeks. After all, men don't cry, and it is shamed upon and a sign of weakness! He tried to forget, to hide what was wrong, but he failed; it was all too much. He pulled his hair and hit his head; careful to not hit his face for tomorrow's shoot. He knew what was wrong, it was Izumi. Ryoma had become too much for Izumi to handle. They did have different personalities after all. Ryoma was an extrovert, always outgoing and fuelled by chatting and talking with people and Izumi was an introvert; he craved solitude and silence, away from people and life. Recently, Ryoma had been too caught up in the stress for success in his shows to notice the signs that he was hurting Izumi. He was overbearing. Izumi had cut him off; ignoring his very existence in effort to find himself and decide whether it was worth it anymore.

Years they had been together, or what felt like it, they had been through so much together. Ryoma's undying love for Izumi helped them both open up to the world as gay and as each other's lovers. Everything Ryoma did reminded him of Izumi, nothing could purge him from his mind. His bed, where Izumi had his favourite spot; his sofa, where Izumi would cocoon himself and watch a thousand episodes of Lala-Lulu; his kitchen, where his beloved blonde boy failed utterly at making him food. So many memories, all sharply stabbing at his heart. Ryoma's phone buzzed and buzzed from calls, it was his manager trying to get a hold of him, to make sure he was okay and ask why he fled the set earlier. He didn't want to answer. He couldn't. The purple headed man sat there hurting. Apparently it is good to hurt, but he didn't feel like it helped at all; if the pain and hurt was leaving his body, it was digging it's claws in as it left, making it hurt all the more. At this moment, it felt like seppuku would hurt less. Gaining the courage to look up at the TV, he saw the time; it was 9:38pm. He had fled the set at 3pm without lunch and had been locked away since then. He'd forgotten to eat all day. The pain of hunger coaxed Ryoma off the sofa and onto his feet in search of food. He checked the kitchen but he had nothing in. As he turned, he was stabbed in the back. Blinding pain shot through him as he struggled to stand. How could Izumi do this to him? How could Izumi cause so much pain to him like this? He slumped his way back to the sofa and fell on it. Lazily he reached for his phone; to phone a take away. He found himself ordering a Chinese of all things. They have some good comfort foods that are quite filling. The purple black haired man ordered himself beef in oyster sauce, a little expensive but he needed the comfort. He would have to go and get it though and right now that seemed impossible. Soon, his phone buzzed and his food was ready to collect. The hunger forced him to walk out of the door.

On the way, he kept to himself. He wore a hoodie with his hood up; highly unusual for Ryoma as he loved to look his best… but he couldn't look his best like this, so he had to hide himself; keeping away from everyone. He felt a bit better being out in the open, it was dark and fresh. The streets were lit by the lights shining from the apartments and advertising boards, filling the street with a variety of colours: red, green, blue, gold, and white. Out here things didn't hurt as much as inside his apartment. From that he took comfort. He could think clearly on what had happened. Ryoma had been worked up with his shoot for a few weeks and was very stressed about it. During this, he wasn't able to notice signs that Izumi was finding it hard to cope with all of Ryoma's stresses and his own. After a point, Ryoma just broke Izumi, and Izumi shut himself away from Ryoma. A week or so had passed since then. Of course, Ryoma tried calling and texting his beloved, but it just made him worse. Izumi's purple haired lover was left in limbo. The blonde haired otaku gave the charming slim muscular purple haired man a reason to live, a reason to better himself and keep him going. Without his lover, the slim muscular man was lost. Not only was he lost in thought, but he was also physically lost; his mind wandered and so did he. Thankfully, he had signal and was able to get back on track quick enough. By the time he was able to get to the Chinese take away, his food had to be reheated. As he waited, Rei walked in and Ryoma's heart stopped. Rei saw Izumi's lover standing there like a living corpse. No effort put into his fashion, no effort to look good, and clearly trying to hide. "Good evening Ryoma-san" he said quietly as he passed him to get his order. The cashier called out "Steamed rice, Hong Kong style chicken, chicken noodles, and everything else is ready for Izumi-san and Rei-san!" Hearing Izumi's name made Ryoma's head snap to the door, looking for his blonde haired lover; he was met only with disappointment and sadness. Rei collected the order and quietly said to the depressed zombie that is Ichijou "Izumi-san is in the car. He saw you and didn't want to come in." That's when Ichijou felt his stomach being ripped out, had he committed seppuku and not realised it in his dismay? Being quickly snapped back to reality by the cashier shouting his order out and nearly throwing his food in a bag towards him, Ryoma's train of thought was thankfully lost and he paid the cashier and left. Annoyingly it cost him extra to reheat it.

Most of the food didn't taste right, reheated food never tastes as good as when it's first cooked, nonetheless, Ryoma ate it sullenly back on the sofa in the dark. It still didn't feel right. It felt like he had left something behind. He checked and he had everything on the receipt, but the feeling still didn't go away… That's when he realised that he introduced this dish to Izumi and he loved it so much. At that moment he couldn't take another bite, it was as if his throat had closed up as if he was having an allergic reaction or his body refused to swallow something harmful like poison. His phone buzzed and he dropped his chopsticks to see if it was Izumi saying that he was ready to talk; it wasn't. It was his manager calling him yet again. The phone continued to buzz and buzz and buzz, each buzz resonated off the walls as everything else was dead silent and turned off. Ichijou was transfixed on the odd sound and flashing of the phone screen that denoted urgency, and yet he did not act. He just sat there, until he realised that it had stopped short, sort of like how he felt his relationship with Izumi was. Then came a text, it was from his manager demanding that he reply as they had to be out early for the shoot tomorrow. He knew the shoot was with Izumi. 'Should I go and show that I'm okay and better than this? Will I even be okay?' He already knew the answer to this. He couldn't, not in this state. The poor purple head slowly reached for his phone and slowly replied, saying that he couldn't go to the set as he is not well. 'I'm not well in the head! I need help…' Ichijou cried out in his head, knowing that no one could hear him he called out to the air "I can't do this! I am sorry Izumi-san! I am sorry I didn't notice the signs something was up! I was too stressed and worried to notice and I can't forgive myself that I've made things come to this! Please just talk to me!" The air didn't answer back, nothing did, not even an echo. With that, the tears started to leak out of his saddened purple eyes and roll down his cheeks to his jawline where they pooled and dripped off his face.

After he managed to pull himself together, he checked the time and saw that it was late, he lifted himself up slowly and shuffled to bed. Right now, his mind was blank thankfully; he desperately needed sleep. It was later that the purple head slowly clenched his hand and felt that the bed was stripped, he forgot that he had stripped the bed in the morning before going to set but he was too drained to bother to make the bed and slept on the bare mattress and pillows. It took a while to drift off to sleep, his mind was blank and he was exhausted, but it took such a long time to sleep. Thankfully the dreamy purple eyed man fell asleep just past midnight. He dreamt for the first time in forever, it was a vivid dream about being on set. He dreamt that he was rehearsing lines with a group of people and was laughing and enjoying being with them all… then he spotted out of the corner of his eye, his blonde headed uke that was ignoring him. The blonde head was simply watching him whilst sitting in a group of his own, not paying attention to anything else but him. Izumi's eyes were sad, worn down, and tired. Ryoma smiled at Izumi, showing that he was alright and he still cared for him. A smile that said: 'it's okay. You have your time. I'm still here for you, and I still care for you.' In his dream, it was met with a faint glimmer in his lover's eyes, of care or gratitude, before he turned his head away to avoid smiling back. For one of the first times in his life, that he felt emotion in a dream, and it was of sullen sadness. Admittedly, when dreaming, all emotions feel like they are dampened, so it is dulled and not as intense. This Ryoma was thankful for. It was an odd sense, sad but bearable and okay somehow. Nonetheless, the sleepy purple head awoke suddenly with the barrage of his doorbell ringing. Ryoma didn't care who it was or what they wanted. He just wanted them to go away. He wanted to stay asleep. Eventually, the doorbell fell silent and Ichijou fell back to sleep, he wasn't ready to face today. He wanted to just skip each day until it got better, like some piece of computer code: Sleep until the next day, wake, if day is bad, reset. If good, continue the day. Not that he'd even understand what a code was, but that's what he wished he could do.

Noon had passed and Ryoma Ichijou had finally woken up enough to start his day. Surprisingly he felt better after sleeping. Somehow it still felt surreal. Had this really happened? Had he messed up too much? Either way, he couldn't let it get on top of him again like it did last night. All Izumi needed was time to think, to regain his composure, he was sure of it. All Izumi, his blonde headed angel, had said in the past was enough for him to get through this. All the things he said and promised, things like that he'd never leave him after Ryoma told him about how his past of getting into show business had left him scarred. He looked at his phone it was 12:18 PM, he was as hungry as hell, but he needed to clean up his flat. As he opened the door to his living room he saw the remnants of last night, his sofa's cushions were astray, the take away was somehow across the floor and table and the kitchen was a complete state. He knew what had happened was pathetic. Slowly, he started to clean his apartment. Whilst cleaning the apartment Ryoma was overcome with a sense of peace, like order was being restored to his unbalanced world in an odd way; he stopped feeling. After some time later his flat was considerably cleaner though he had left the whole area around the sofa as it was; he wasn't ready to deal with that yet. He decided to take a shower to relax his tenseness and to try and feel a warmth that only Izumi could provide. Admittedly, the shower did provide a warm comfort and he was able to think yet again about what had happened without the feeling of a stabbing pain like seppuku. Nonetheless, he still was depressed, his lover was practically gone, and he had not gone to work because he couldn't cope. 'What a waste. What a waste of my day, and of my life.' The purple head thought to himself, he still didn't feel anything, the closest thing to a feeling that he had was a lack of motivation, everything he was doing, he was forcing himself to do. He knew that the remainder of this day would be wasted too and he thought to himself 'If my day's going to be wasted, I might as well try and enjoy it.'

Evening came about slowly, like it was digging its heels in to try and stop time. Ryoma had thoroughly wasted his day sitting in front of his TV, binge watching series and playing games on his phone. He had even created a new mess around the sofa, like an animal had nested there instead of him, with empty food packets thrown on the floor, table, and sofa, mixed with unopened packets too; it was a true hoard. His doorbell rang again, shortly being followed by his phone ringing; it was his manager, Kasumi Shino, again. Ichijou denied the call but lazily got up and made his way to buzz his manager in. His manager burst through the door and Ryoma was almost certain that she would be angry and enraged as she often became stressed easily. She wasn't. Her eyes were filled with worry for her actor; he rarely took days off acting because of some illness. "Are you okay Ryoma-san? I am worried for you, you never skip shoots! Is something wrong?" She hastily said as she stood in the doorway, his eyes drifted away from her and down to the floor, "I… Uhhh… I'm fine. I just needed some time. I'll be okay." The purple head said quietly. She knew that wasn't true, she gazed past him and saw the mess that he had created in front of the TV and looked back at him with an ever increasing look of concern for his wellbeing. She added, "What is really wrong Ryoma-san? I know something is up. Is it the shoot we're doing? Is the director bothering you that much?" The purple head kept his eyes nervously down at the floor. This certainly wasn't how the famous Ryoma Ichijou acts; he was confident, energetic, kind, and always smiling. However, this version of Ichijou seemed like a complete opposite, he was depressed, demotivated, and a smile hadn't crept onto his face since things got bad between him and Izumi.

Eventually, his eyes gazed back up to Kasumi; she could see how bad things were just by looking at his eyes. "You can't bottle it up Ryoma-san." She sighed, "I might be your manager, but you know I'm also your friend, if you are upset I want to help." He was close to tears, but he knew she was right. The poor purple head gave in to his manager and told her everything. How he had tried to do everything for Izumi, how he had helped Izumi to be more confident, how he had made things too much… and what Izumi had done for him too. At the end of it all, he sighed and quietly said, "But after all that's happened, after everything that he has made me feel, I still love him. I love Izumi; with all my heart." Kasumi saw that he was in pain and pulled him into a hug, he needed to know, through action, he wasn't alone. The sudden hug shocked the crying man, but he accepted it, it was comforting. He had no idea that his manager was such a friend. Ryoma buried his crying eyes in her neck, nestled in her hair. She let go and kindly said "Come on, let's get this mess cleaned up." She kept energetic and did everything she could to help raise his spirits. Finally, after the mess was all sorted, she sat down with Ryoma and told him what she thought about the whole thing. It seemed a weird time, but she wanted to give it some thought first, and give him some time to calm down. "I know it seems bad right now Ryoma-san, but things will calm down, and I'm sure that he is feeling just as bad as you are; do you really want him to worry about you too?" He knew she was right. "Please don't beat yourself up, this isn't your fault, you did everything you could. You supported him how he asked. Just… he didn't try to talk to you about these problems; communication and trust are important, without them, no relationship can work out… sadly."

Driving always helped Ryoma calm down, he found it soothing, he could easily fall asleep, as he had done many a time after a shoot, with Kasumi's careful and considerate driving. So she took him for a drive to get him out of the house; with the few hours of daylight left, it would've done him no good to stay cooped in like that. To help take his mind off of things, she talked about work, nothing important, but just so there was something for him to listen to. It helped Ryoma quite a lot, for the first time in a while he stopped thinking about his partner and was able to focus on the present and what was going on around him. He saw a group of school students in the park they were driving past, laughing and trying to do cartwheels and handstands, laughing and having a good time, it was clear that the group was two couples by how affectionate they were to their partners. Soon, they were out of sight, and he turned his attention back to Kasumi; she was talking about more recent solo shoots he did for a popular nationwide magazine and how receptive the public were to the photos and that the magazine sales increased by 7 per cent. They had apparently had already began another proposal for him to feature on the front page of their magazine, a great boost to the purple head's publicity and also an extra bit of easy money for him too. The talented actor was normally able to pay attention to an entire scene at once, but now he couldn't even pay attention to a single person. He was able to discern that she had just asked a question for the first time in the car journey, so he just nodded and agreed. Soon Kasumi was able to get Ichijou to start talking a bit more, and even nearly smile at one of her jokes. Thanks to her persistence, he actually started to feel okay and his mind was able to focus for the first time on something, and that something was Kasumi. He knew he could rely on Kasumi to help him through this. He felt indebted to her for supporting him so suddenly out of the blue. Slowly she pulled up at a local restaurant that was quite empty and she said, "Okay, we're here. They have some great food, but they don't usually have a lot of customers at this hour so you won't attract too much attention." It was clear she had thought this out. As they unbuckled their seatbelts and got out of the car, he still wasn't sure why he was having dinner with his manager. Then he realised, he did agree to something he couldn't remember… this was probably that. Over a dinner that he thoroughly enjoyed, Kasumi tried to persuade Ryoma to go to the shoot the next day "Why don't we try it for just a few hours? It's better than nothing and you get the shoot finished sooner which makes the director happier and more likely be favourable with a bonus." She pleaded with him, but he retorted back, "But Izumi will be there. I'll have to face and act with him." He was right, but she was very persuasive, "Yes, he will, but you have to show him that you are strong without him; because you are. Besides, I can guarantee that he'll be feeling worse." She was right too. He was uneasy, but he felt it was the right thing to do; for his career if nothing else. She drove him home and said goodnight at the doorstep. He reflected on the day as he was walking up the stairs, 'The day hasn't been wasted. Kasumi-san has helped me a lot to think and what to do. Now I know I have the strength within me to face him again; I was acting a little hopeless…' he thought, quite objectively. By the time he reached his apartment he was very tired and in desperate need of sleep; it was an exhausting day for him so he thankfully was able to drift off to sleep quickly.

Sometime later, his alarm went off. 'Is it morning already?' he thought. It seemed like he had only just put his head down to rest, and already his alarm was nagging him to get up. It was almost if he was hung over, except he hadn't had any alcohol the night before. So… why did he feel so drained and groggy? Either way, he pulled himself out of bed and slowly but steadily got ready for the shoot. He'd have been lying if he thought that he wasn't nervous about seeing Izumi, however, he was able to keep cool and calm. As he climbed down the stairs and shuffled out of his door, Kasumi arrived precisely on time. "Sorry I'm late Ryoma-san! There was some traffic on the way here today!" She exclaimed cheerfully. The tired purple head wasn't ready for that level of enthusiasm, this early in the morning, not like he normally was. "Good morning Kasumi-san." Was all he managed to say before clambering into the car. Before he knew it he was sped away to make up for the time lost in traffic. Somehow, she kept a cool demeanour and chatted nonchalantly as she sped through the town like she was being chased by the authorities; it was their custom to always arrive on set early and she wasn't ready to let that reputation to be ruined today. "So Ryoma-san, how was your sleep?" She asked energetically, "Did you eat a healthy and balanced breakfast?" He felt she was barraging him with questions; it was too early for that. He answered them shortly and bluntly. "Are you ready to act today?" However, this question got to him. Was he ready for this? Yes. He had to be. He couldn't chicken out now. He had to do this now. "Ryoma-san? Are you okay?" she asked, now with a hint of concern in her voice. "Huh? Oh, yes Kasumi-san. I am fine thank you. I'm… just slightly anxious about seeing him today, that's all." He confessed. She felt very sympathetic for him, "Awwwee – It'll be all okay. Just remember that you are a strong man! Much stronger than Sena Izumi-san! I'll be there for support if you need me." Kasumi was always kind, she was able support and comfort Ryoma in this way, and he was extremely grateful for her kind help as always, "Thank you Kasumi-san, I was very lucky when you decided to be my manager." He knew that she appreciated those kind words; especially in a time such as this when she was supporting him. At the moment, he felt that he was dependant on her to be held up and supported by her at the moment. He knew that he shouldn't rely on her too much, but at the moment, it was alright for now. 'I should find a way to say thank you to her properly' he thought sincerely, 'And maybe some driving lessons to.' He cheerfully added.

He was laughing to himself when they arrived. They found their reserved parking spot right outside the main front entrance of the set. As they swiftly got out of the car he spotted Rei's car and felt some nerves start to agitate themselves in his chest. He pushed any negative thoughts out of his head. 'Wait…. Did I just do that? How did I just do that?' Ichijou thought. He had just pushed his anxiety away and stopped it from it clutching and digging it's claws into his mind. He wasn't sure, but he thought that Kasumi noticed this too; she seemed happier than usual. They arrived on set, it looked like normal, the set was air conditioned, there was the usual buffet table, the usual crew… and the director, but no Izumi. Where was he? 'Oh well.' He thought, he was here to act, not chat with his blonde headed lover. Ryoma parted ways with Kasumi, he went to go and get dressed and for the artists to do his makeup for the shoot. Whilst Kasumi found her way to the buffet and her usual comfy chair that had one of the best views of the set and Ryoma's acting. Sometimes, she could even pick up on what he could do to improve his already advanced and skilled acting. Such as the time he once started to wiggle his fingers slightly when he was trying to speak lines that were difficult to remember. He never needed much makeup, they artists always thought that covering him in makeup hid his magnificent true beauty, however, today he did. The artists scolded him for not taking care of his skin. They sat him down and covered his face in moisturiser and started a whole beauty regime to bring out his true beauty as they saw fit. It felt like old times, he was happy.

Every extra dab of blusher made Ryoma's cheeks come alive with life. In no time at all he was back to his usual self; he was laughing and joking whilst being ever so considerate, polite, and kind on set. He was back to his normal self because he was able to take his mind off of things, and he felt like he knew that everything would turn out fine. He knew how much Izumi loved Ryoma. He knew that Izumi knew how much he loved him too. He knew that they had helped and supported each other in ways only they could do, their relationship was worth it. He was sure of it. The makeup artists were finished and Ichijou look as spectacular as ever, he was easily a rival for any super star. The day started off well, most of his shoots were solo or with background actors. Ryoma was filled with youthful spirit and his acting was always spot on, only having to do retakes because of the mistakes of others. Although, he still had not seen Izumi or Rei anywhere. Normally, they ate together, and he worked closely with Ryoma as Izumi wasn't as confident on set and he always took comfort and confidence from being next or near Ryoma. In between takes he heard quiet mumbles and gossip, some of the time he heard Izumi's name. The first few times he heard the name being spoken out loud he looked around hoping to see him; it caused him to be nervous at first. But soon, he began to get rid of the nerves thankfully and it didn't greatly impact his mood. Soon after they had wrapped up the first few shoots and had a break for food, it was time for his scene with Izumi. Finally, he would be able to see his sweet love for the first time in a while; he was almost shaking with nerves, but also relieved he would see the person he cared so much for. That's when he saw him. Not Izumi, but Rei. He looked up at the clock and it was fifteen minutes until the shoot was scheduled to begin. Ichijou was almost fixated with the door, trying only to look in casual glances to not seem off in any way. After a few minutes he became too impatient and walked towards the door past Rei who was talking to the director. He caught the scent of Izumi and his family on Rei, his nose was filled with the smell of his lover and his head was filled with thoughts about him too. He lost his concentration **,** tripped over his own feet, landing against the set door with a bang. 'Damn it! Why did this have to happen now!?' the purple headed actor cursed in his head. His mood instantly turned for the worse and all happiness now turned into ash scattered in black water. He pulled open the door and started walking out as quickly as possible, until he clashed with Izumi. They walked into each other, and with Ryoma towering over his lover, the blonde head stumbled backwards; it really wasn't going well for Ryoma. "I'm sorry!" **c** ried the tall muscular man, as he saw his lanky and clumsy partner fall backwards. Ichijou tried to help him up but was quickly refuted with a sharp jolt away from him. "Uhhhh… We need to talk." Izumi spoke quietly as he found his feet. Ryoma nodded and followed. They found a quiet greenroom and Izumi followed Ryoma in. As soon as the door closed, Izumi stood directly in front of it. "I'm breaking up with you." The blonde head said with severe bluntness. Was he dreaming? Nope. This was real. This pain made it real. All of Ichijou's stomach was ripped out; muscles and all.

Looking up at his blonde headed lover's eyes, they were serious. Maybe some hurt too? He wasn't sure. He could see this wasn't easy on Izumi. 'Wait… since when was I looking up at him?' Ryoma thought, it turned out his stomach muscles had given way. He was only held up by his arms pushing weakly against his legs. The air was ripped out of his lungs. His chest was tight and he was winded. "Okay." Was all the shocked lover could say. He tried to plead with Izumi, "Okay… Can we please talk about this?"Ryoma was met with a definite "No." This time, the despairing purple head kept on, his shock was overcome by grief and terror as his life came crashing down around him. "Can we just please give it two weeks? See if it works out? I've sorted everything out, I have help now and people to support me – so you don't have to!" Again, he was shut down, "Just go on a break for a bit? Please? We have both not been ourselves recently! They've helped me, my problems are almost all gone! Mostly, thanks to you, but they're helping me deal with the last bits!" There was no consideration, the blonde was resolute. Although Ryoma swore he could see the pain in his lover's eyes. They were seemingly close to tears. Izumi's bottom lip was giving way, and his perfect lips were drawn taught with distress, it started to quiver uncontrollably. Ichijou knew his lover was could barely keep it together. He had to keep strong for him though; he had too. For Izumi, he couldn't break down. Breaking down and crying in front of him would be exactly what he expected; he could see it in his eyes, just waiting for him to collapse in terror. "Are you okay Ichijou-kun? We can still be friends. Just, I can't deal with having a boyfriend right now. Maybe in the future, in a few months, I don't know." He had to believe and trust what Izumi said. Relationships were built on trust, honesty, and communication. If he couldn't keep those up for his Izumi's sake, then he wasn't worth being his boyfriend. "Uhhh…. Sure? Okay. We will just go back to how we were before we started dating right? We can still talk and stuff?" He was grasping for anything to cling on to. His rock, his foundations were being kicked out and demolished beneath him, by the very rock itself, the very person who set those foundations. "Yeah, that'd be fine. Just like before we were dating." Ryoma did feel better a little bit, he was glad that he wasn't completely ruining the relationship he cared for most in his life. Ryoma still wanted to shut himself away and hide, however, Izumi was stood firmly in front of the door. There was no escape. He was trapped. The purple head knew that there was no escape until he acted fine; he had to hide and get away. He couldn't face his lover, no - his ex-lover, right now. Ryoma's emotions had all shut down. He felt absolutely nothing. He could've been stabbed by a knife and not just Izumi's words and actions, and he would not have felt a thing. 'When the hell did this happen?' He thought, when did he become an emotionless monster? What was the point where Izumi had broken him? The purple headed man had no clue, when he went into the greenroom he was absolutely sure that Izumi loved him and cared a lot about him; there was no doubt in his mind, but he couldn't right then… He was wrong, even without any emotion, he still felt that Izumi cared. He had too. All of the things that he said in the past when times weren't good, surely they meant something. "Did all of the things in the past mean nothing? I think you still care. I think you still love me, somewhere in that head of yours, you must!" Ryoma cried out in desperation, "You have to… All of our time together… You couldn't have fallen out of love with me so quickly." He added quietly with tears welling up in his eyes. It's odd, even when you feel nothing, no emotions, your body language and reactions still shows them like the last beacon of hope, or distress. His very own body crying out, subconsciously, for help. Izumi was too shocked for words, "I… I don't know. I don't know if I love you. I'm sorry." Izumi was vague with his answer and avoided the question. Ryoma knew he still cared at least, or he wouldn't be doing this; he wouldn't act how he is now if he didn't care. Ryoma's alarm went off; it was time for the shoot. They needed to go. He gestured to the door with his eyes. However, the blonde head had already taken advantage of the alarm and had opened the door, "Come on, let's go." He said to regain some control of the situation.

Parting with him outside the greenroom, Ichijou was relieved; he now wasn't left in limbo. He had some answer to what was happening, which was a weight off his shoulders. Standing in the corridor, he watched Izumi almost practically run away back to the set; where Rei was. Ryoma stayed in the corridor. He had to gather his thoughts. Those tears that had welled up had come to fruition as he was alone in the corridor; he leant against the wall and cried. He needed to go to the shoot. He had to go and do the shoot with him. He lost himself in his own thoughts. Soon, a hand firmly planted itself on the crying man's shoulder. "Kasumi… I can't do this right now…" Ryoma spoke between sobs. He felt the hand's grasp on his shoulder, it wasn't light and gentle, it was heavy and large, "Ichijou-san. Are you alright?" He had heard that voice many times… It was Rei. He always had a soft spot for the purple haired man. Ryoma never did anything wrong and always tried to help Rei if he could, as he would gladly go out of his way to help others. Rei could see he wasn't so he dropped his bag and made Ichijou face him. "I'm sorry about what happened with you and Izumi-san." Rei said to try and comfort the poor boy. "I don't know what to say, he just needs some time I think. Some time to clear his head. I'm really sorry about everything. I wish he could deal with this better. He hasn't told me much, so I can't really tell you what's happened for some closure." Rei thought it best to tell the truth, or at least as much as he could; he owed that much to Ryoma. Ichijou's tears soon stopped as he gained his composure thanks to Rei. "Here, Ichijou-san, these are your things from Izumi's house; I thought you'd want them back." Izumi's manager said. Ryoma looked down at the bag and picked it up, "Thank you Rei-san. Does Izumi want his things back?" He thought of all the items that littered his room, his boxers, his favourite shirts, and even things he couldn't mention in public. Then… his room was still full of things Izumi had given him or things that reminded him of Izumi. Rei brought him back to reality before he could finish his thought, "If he wants them, he'll have to ask you himself. I would rather to try and stay out of all this." Ryoma understood, it was a fair thing to do. "Oh, Ichijou-san, the shoot was cancelled today. That's why I went in there to talk to the director." Rei looked at the purple haired man's eyes fill with relief. "I can't thank you enough Rei-san." Ryoma said graciously whilst being pulled into a hug by Rei. After their brief exchange Ichijou was found by Kasumi still in the corridor with a bag by his side. It was a long drive home, Ichijou couldn't focus with his thoughts racing; he knew that even if he tried to keep a strong front to others, his true self was destroyed that evening. The boy he had loved for so long had ripped his heart out and thrown it on the floor. Before Ryoma knew it, he was in his apartment being led by Kasumi to his bedroom. "I know you won't be okay. But I can try to help somehow. Here, let's go through what's in this bag." Kasumi said as she placed the bag on the bed. They went through all of the clothes and items, most of it was pretty normal; exactly the sort of thing that Izumi left at Ryoma's, until he saw a small box at the bottom of the bag. His heart sunk to the bottom of his chest. Ryoma picked up and opened the small box with fumbling hands, inside was the ring that he had given Izumi; the ring that symbolised their love and commitment to each other for eternity. It was done. Their relationship had come to an end. They still had to see each other for work, and interact, but they were finished. He knew that when he held the ring in his hand, it was personally inscribed for whom he had loved more than life itself; tears rolled down his cheeks as he stared at it. From that point in time he had to find what was best for him; he needed to put himself first and not Izumi. Over time, he was persuaded to seek professional help; it helped for the most part. With support of his friends and colleagues he slowly became more stable after such a trauma, he wasn't sure if he could forgive Izumi for what he had done and how he had acted. However, he knew that he would never truly be able to get over Izumi. Somewhere deep down inside of him he still held some hope, no matter how minuscule, that one day he would be reunited with the one who had caused him so much pain and anguish in the past.

* * *

It is up to you to decide whether or not Ryoma it was good for him to hold onto that hope of things getting better, or not.  
The recovery from such an intense and deep relationship takes as long as it would to mourn the passing of a loved one, because in a sense, that is what has happened, and it can mess someone up quite a lot. Just remember, everything can and will get better, but maybe not in the way that you would think or hope for. I hope you enjoyed reading, and thank you for taking your time to do so.

It's always good to talk or write about things no matter how bad or taboo they may seem.  
Please have a good Mental Health Awareness Month.


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